Life Check Yourself Episode 399 Why the Problem You Think You Have May Not be Your Problem at All with Chris Gillis
Marni and Chris dive into the finale of reality show, Love is Blind, to analyze where it all went wrong for some of the couples; where it all went right for others; and what lessons can be gleaned from these relationships. The duo look into how to navigate a break-up with grace and dignity, and how to show up in a manner that matches your energy. As these couples go through the ups and downs of dating, much of their behavior mirrors our own IRL. From the heartaches to the make-ups, Marni and Chris break it down by observing the contestants’ actions with each other on the show. What is the energy you’re putting out? How to find freedom from your past? And should you give second chances?
Takeaways from this episode:
- Don’t seek council from your single friends
- It’s about your energy
- How to breakup with grace
- Be dignified
- How to accept the person in front of you
- Flexibility in a relationship
Ditch the Mean Girl Vibes [01:35]
Ditch the mean girl attitude. Firstly, because it’s not a good color for anyone. And secondly, because it says a lot about a person.
An example of this is Micah and Paul. When talking about Micah, Paul mentions that he was surprised to find out that she wanted a family and kids. The vibe he picked up on – or rather the energy she was putting out – may have been as a result of her mean girl behavior in the beginning. That type of attitude doesn’t give off mother, or even wife energy. It is not associated with being nurturing or kind. In fact, quite the opposite.
When it comes to dating, you’re essentially collecting data about a person throughout the experience – whether that’s done consciously or unconsciously. Throughout her relationship with Paul, Micah acted in several ways that may have informed Paul’s ultimate decision. That being said, she has made a concerted effort to grow as a person throughout the show.
It’s about the energy that you put out. You can say you want to be a mom, or you can say this or that. But it’s how you show up.
It’s about the actions that are taking place outside of the relationship, too. It’s about your interaction with people, and about how you talk about them. And that includes your family and friends.
Navigating the Breakup [10:40]
While it may be tempting, it serves no one to talk negatively about your significant other when you break up. The dignified and graceful thing to do is just to walk away and move on. It’s hard but it’s worth it in the long run.
When you break up with someone, you don’t need to put them in the wrong for you to validate or justify the separation. Zack was one of the contestants that modeled that behavior. When Marshal and himself were put on blast on social media, they did a wonderful job at handling it.
It’s really about having grace and forgiveness
Marni mentions that Zack’s mature behavior today may be as a result of his tumultuous upbringing as well as his job as a criminal defense lawyer. His belief in second chances, which is something Bliss admired, is a result of his past and his present.
His forgiving nature is an attractive trait. Because when you forgive someone, you’re not doing it for them, you’re doing it for you. And it’s within that forgiveness that you find a release. It’s liberating
Are You Growing Together? [14:44]
Kwame and Chelsea are a couple that emulated this notion of growing together. Whereas Chelsea started off being rigid and uncompromising, she slowly learnt to let go with Kwame. A relationship doesn’t work without compromise, nor does it work without flexibility.
So, while it’s good for you to know what you want and go after it, it’s equally important to recognize when you should allow for a compromise. Pick your battles. Because there are going to be times in a relationship where you’ll have to do something for your partner that doesn’t necessarily fit into your general plan. And knowing how to navigate that, and be flexible about it, is key.
Kwame and Chelsea made each other better versions of themselves. They managed to grow from the parts of their partner that were challenging for them. And ultimately, that’s what successful relationships are about.
