Dating Den Episode 210 – With Brooke: How You Can Break the Pattern of Dating Unavailable Men
What kind of guys do you attract? Are you constantly attracting high-caliber guys? Or do you attract emotionally unavailable guys who keep you guessing about where the relationship is going or how they feel about you? In this episode of the Dating Den, Marni speaks with Brooke about the revelations she experienced during the 3-day Ignite Your Life event and how her life has changed since.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Identifying limiting beliefs
- Dating with intention
- How a community offers support and accountability
- How to live a more stable, happy life
Identifying Limiting Beliefs [1:54]
In August, Brooke invested in herself and joined the virtual Ignite Your Life event. She was self-aware enough to realize that emotionally available men were her type. She did not necessarily want that type of relationship in her life, but she recognized she kept attracting the same type of guy. This behavior allowed her to keep up her bad-ass facade and not get vulnerable with men.
Patterns from childhood were deeply ingrained, and as she worked on her non-negotiables she realized she could be completely vulnerable and still be safe. It made her feel stronger as a woman.
During Ignite Your Life, Brooke couldn’t get over the amount of support from the other women. They were women she had never met before, but they reached out to her and let her know she was not alone. Their feedback overwhelmed her.
“I was afraid to be vulnerable, but I figured I didn’t have anything left to lose.” — Brooke
Brooke realized:
- She was afraid to connect and afraid of being rejected.
- She does not like talking about her feelings.
- She attracts unavailable men.
- She has childhood patterns.
Brooke says when she enrolled in the event she was skeptical because she did not know she could live any other way. But, after day three, she came to some important realizations. She realized she needs positive affirmation, it is OK to ask for help and be vulnerable. She discovered an entire part of herself that got buried when she was a child. Brooke knows she can live a more stable and happy life.
Resurrecting Your True Nature [19:37]
Brooke says there may always be the part of her that will worry about being rejected, but now she understands being rejected is not so bad. Rejection means that person wasn’t right for her. She is doing more to take care of herself to resurrect her true nature.
Brooke says she is still a work in progress but she is dating and dating with intention and vulnerability. People spend money on material things but they don’t spend money on their interior, or self-care. It takes courage to crack yourself open and face the things that have been hidden.
Doing maintenance on your interior pays off in all other aspects of your life.
Having a Support Network [30:02]
Brooke says she has fallen back into her old habits from time to time but the community from Ignite Your Life keeps her on track and offers her accountability.
She is currently dating two men. She is figuring out how she feels about each. She is dating to find someone who meets her non-negotiables. She says she finds dating more rewarding now that she does it with intention.
