Life Check Yourself EP 480: Understanding Triggers and Building Lasting Relationships with Dr. Dr. Mary Giffara
Guest Introduction:
In this empowering episode, Dr. Mary Giffara, an internationally renowned therapist, author, and speaker, shares her expertise on creating and sustaining fulfilling relationships. With years of experience helping couples restore connection, Dr. Giffara introduces key strategies from her book, Two by Two on the Arc: Four Strategies for Lasting Love. Her insights illuminate how personal growth, emotional regulation, and intentional communication can transform relationships into a thriving partnership.
Main Takeaways:
- Embrace Self-Awareness to Navigate Emotional Triggers
- Leave Space for Individual Growth Within Relationships
- Operate on Multiple Levels: Logic, Emotion, and Sensation
Understanding Emotional Triggers (Timestamp: 12:45)
Explanation: Emotional triggers are often rooted in past experiences, not present relationships. Recognizing when reactions stem from unresolved feelings enables individuals to respond with intention rather than emotion. This practice fosters healthier interactions and reduces repetitive conflicts.
Notable Quote:
“Someone does something, and it triggers something in me that predates them—maybe my mother, my last partner, or an earlier experience.”
Impact: By addressing the root cause of emotional triggers, individuals can take responsibility for their reactions and avoid misplacing blame, paving the way for deeper connection.
Leave Space for Love and Growth (Timestamp: 24:10)
Explanation: Successful relationships depend on creating space for individuality. A healthy dynamic allows each partner to grow independently while maintaining a shared bond. Over-fusion—when one partner subsumes the other’s emotions or thoughts—stifles this balance.
Notable Quote:
“Space for you to be you, space for me to be me, and space for us to be us.”
Impact: This approach respects autonomy and mutual growth, fostering an environment where both partners can thrive emotionally and intellectually.
Engage All Three Levels of Communication (Timestamp: 36:20)
Explanation: Dr. Giffara emphasizes the importance of operating on all three levels of communication: logical reasoning, emotional expression, and physical sensations. Neglecting any of these dimensions creates imbalances in how partners relate and respond to one another.
Notable Quote:
“Leave space to meet reason, emotion, and sensation. Don’t mix them up.”
Impact: Integrating these elements of communication ensures holistic connection and prevents misunderstandings rooted in incomplete interactions.
