Life Check Yourself Episode 398 Is Your Confidence a Cover-Up That’s Pushing Him Away? with Chris Gillis
Marni and Chris dive into the dynamics of relationships between the contestants on the reality series, Love is Blind, to shed light on our behavior in the dating world. The duo looks into everything from how to handle the tough conversations to how far you should push your partner on certain issues. We all have insecurities when it comes to dating, and finding your person is a difficult trek that requires nuance in the way you handle your interactions. Dating is about learning about yourself as well as other people, and how to navigate your interpersonal relations with them. In looking at the interactions between the contestants on the show, lessons can be gleaned and applied within our own personal lives. Their insecurities, their faux-pas; and their actions, all mimic our own behavior in real life.
Takeaways from this episode:
- How to communicate in an argument
- Don’t Pepe Le Pew him
- Love, alone, is not enough
- Be confident in your choices
- How to handle the timeline on the conversation
- Don’t dismiss his concerns
Should You Sleep on It? [02:19]
There are two schools of thought when it comes to arguing, especially when it’s close to bedtime. One school is that you should never go to bed angry at each other; the other is that when you’re exhausted and it’s late, it makes more sense to sleep it off, and discuss the issue the next day once you’re well-rested. So, which one is it?
Well, it depends. It’s more about being clear and communicative on the timeline of the conversation. But sometimes, wanting to postpone the conversation could leave your partner confused and feeling dismissed, even if that’s the healthier decision to make at that point. When you’re exhausted, and you’ve had a few drinks, pausing on the conversation to continue it later, makes more sense.
That’s because these conversations tend to be tough due to the fact that they’re emotional. This is amplified when you’re a person who is not necessarily comfortable with vulnerability. However, that being said, in either case, if you’ve had a few drinks, maybe consider having the conversation when sober because it could escalate the issue.
Men need actionable instructions.
If you do decide to have the conversation the next day though, acknowledge your partner’s feelings; and be clear on the duration, the path and the outcome. That is, explain that you’ve taken note of your partner’s feelings and clarify that you’ll have the conversation at an agreed-upon time. Rather than being dismissive, and just saying you’re tired and want to go to sleep. It’s borderline manipulative to leave someone hanging without explanation.
Trust Yourself [20:31]
It’s common to constantly be looking for validation from our friends when it comes to the person we’re dating. But ultimately, you need to trust ourselves with your decisions. And that requires strength and confidence in yourself and your choices.
At the end of the day, no one knows your partner as well as you do. And you need to be able to block out all the white noise and make that choice for yourself.
Remember, there might be outliers who don’t support the person that you’re with. Ultimately you have to get to a place where you’re doing this for you, and you have to be able to trust yourself.
Micah is an example of this. In the beginning, when her friends were putting down Paul, she didn’t stand up for him. But as the relationship and the show progressed, she finally took a stand. She was vocal with her friends in telling them that they needed to support her, and that she would no longer be having this conversation about Paul with them. And that was a show of strength on her part.
If you’re with someone, then be convinced with your choice and stand up for it. You’ve got this.
Stand up to Your Family [24:49]
In the same vein as standing up to your friends, you need to stand up to your parents when need be. And that’s not just limited to your romantic choice but your overall decision in life. Many of us walk around with trauma passed on from our parents. And rather than do the work and get through it, we ended up letting these past traumas dictate our lives.
These things don’t define you, and once you’ve worked through them, you come out the other side more confident in yourself and your choices.
In talking about Bliss and Zack, Marni and Chris discuss her dad. He’s negative and pessimistic. And yet, she’s managed to flourish in life, and she stands her ground when it comes to the man she chose to be with, even if that means going against a parent.
Bliss has managed to be successful despite the storm of negativity she’s received from her dad. Work through your stuff and flourish. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of that.
